I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When did angry sex become our thing?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
