I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
