"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
