this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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