That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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