Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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