I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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