I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Terrible idea I love it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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