Little spoons don't ask big questions
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
should my penis look like a turkey
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
