I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
