Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
