idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
