So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
