I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
