i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
