My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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