I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize