Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
