Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
