did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
