We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
