You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
