Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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