I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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