he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just had sex on a roof
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
PANTIES FOUND
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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