Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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