She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
