I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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