Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
