She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
