I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
