the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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