He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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