some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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