OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
