You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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