I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
