I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
