She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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