I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's the barista slut.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Randomize
