Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
