If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
