I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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