There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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