I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
