maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just found puke in my bra..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
