The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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