I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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