she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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