How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
