ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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