I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
