It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
