Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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