just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
