Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
