Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
