im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
