I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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