Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
