Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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