Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
