Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
