And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
