is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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