I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
