the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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