my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There r osticjed everywhere
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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