This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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