so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
