Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize