Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
