i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
